Diary of a Drug Addict

(This is a real-life story of a youngster who battled drug addiction and it flows straight from the pen of this articulate 25-year-old.. No name changed)

“In the darkest corners of my life, I found myself suffocating, drowning in a sea of despair. I was Rohan Aggarwal, the forgotten, the overshadowed younger sibling, who always felt like a mere afterthought in my family’s narrative. My sister’s dominance cast a long shadow, and my parents, absorbed in their own world, neglected to nurture my skills and passions. The weight of their indifference crushed me as I battled the demons that had taken residence within me.

School was a torment I couldn’t escape. Bullies, relentless in their cruelty, mocked my weight and shy nature. Their words and laughter cut deeper than any blade. In search of solace, I turned to marijuana, my elusive escape from the daily torment of life. The harsh reality of my existence was numbed by the haze of rebellion, and I withdrew into my self-imposed exile.

I rejected every attempt by family members to engage me in conversation. Social interactions were a foreign concept, as I cocooned myself in a world of bitter isolation. Angst, frustration, anger, and resentment flowed through my veins, coursing like venom. My only anticipation was for that next hit, the embrace of marijuana that cradled me in false comfort.

But this solace came at a price. The poor quality of the weed I smoked gave birth to health problems I couldn’t afford to acknowledge. Yet I ignored the warnings from my own body, trapped in a vicious cycle of dependency. Then, one fateful day, as the pungent smoke swirled around me, I felt a throbbing pain in my testes. It was as though the universe had played a cruel joke on me. Rushed to the hospital, my diagnostic tests came back normal, and even my college classmates, who had escorted me there, joined in the chorus of mockery.

I became a punchline, a spectacle. The humiliation I endured during that ordeal was unbearable. No one believed my pain was real, and it was as if I had been stripped of my dignity. I clung to my marijuana, my faithful companion, but it was slowly poisoning me.

Desperation drove me further into the abyss. I dove headlong into radical leftist political thought, immersing myself in the ideologies of Marxism and communism. My cynicism towards society festered, and my hate for it deepened. I became a misanthrope, consumed by radicalism, and my dreams of contributing to Marxism became my only solace.

Leaving my bachelor studies unfinished, I returned from Bengaluru to my home in Delhi, further neglecting my education. I embraced the company of fellow outcasts, chain-smoking cigarettes and sharing joints, all the while fervently discussing radical communism. It was a life I had chosen, a life of defiance.

But fate had other plans. The day the police caught one of my friends drunk, I couldn’t stand idly by. I fought the police officer to protect my friend, and the consequences were dire. An FIR was filed against me for public drinking, and shame, guilt, and anger swirled around me like a suffocating fog.

The court dates weighed on me like a never-ending nightmare. The spectre of imprisonment loomed over my head, and I began to entertain the darkest of thoughts. I felt like a failure, a lost cause, someone who would never achieve anything but a life behind bars. Suicidal thoughts enveloped me, and I seriously contemplated leaping from the court building’s second floor. The pain, the humiliation – it was all too much.

I turned to marijuana even more desperately, seeking refuge in its numbing embrace. But the escape it offered had a steep price. My mind unravelled, and I slipped into psychosis. Reality twisted and contorted, and I lost my grip on the world.

Weight piled on, and self-loathing became a constant companion. I gave my parents the silent treatment, pushing them further away. I severed ties with society, retreating into the darkest recesses of my mind.

But then, amid the abyss, a glimmer of hope appeared. During a court hearing, my lawyer saw through my anguish and introduced me to a psychiatrist. I was sceptical, believing that mental health care was nothing more than a tool of big pharma companies. Yet, something in the doctor’s demeanour, his willingness to listen, cracked the walls I had built around me.

He invited me into his home for a counselling session, and it was there that I finally laid bare my soul. He put me on anti-psychotic medication, and something remarkable happened. It felt as if my brain had received a jolt, and a small part of my memory faded into oblivion. With every pill, my outlook on life began to shift.

I made a solemn vow to complete my education and enrolled in a distance learning course. Through monthly sessions with my psychiatrist, I started finding solutions to my seemingly insurmountable problems. He guided me towards a more positive perspective on life and taught me how to battle anxiety and depression effectively.

As the medication took its toll, making me sleep more, I discovered the strength to break free from the chains of addiction. My relationship with my parents transformed, and I began to communicate with them, even helping with household chores. The court case that had haunted my nightmares finally came to an end, and I was acquitted.

I emerged from the abyss, a changed person. The shackles of despair had been shattered, replaced by newfound optimism. I rekindled old relationships and forged new friendships, no longer defined by my past.

I returned to my studies; driven by a newfound determination to complete what I had started. The future began to take shape, and I set my sights on the professional world. Books and gardening became my new passions, filling the void that had once been occupied by despair.

Regrets still lingered, like old ghosts, but I couldn’t wait to see what life had in store for me next. My salvation had come from unexpected places – from my psychiatrist, from within myself, and from the unwavering support of my family. In the darkest of times, I had found the strength to endure, and in that journey, I discovered the transformative power of hope and resilience.

My message to the world is a plea for understanding and compassion when it comes to mental health. Often, people who are in desperate need of psychiatric help may not willingly seek it. They might be trapped in a cycle of denial, fear, or stigma, making it incredibly difficult for them to take that crucial first step. In many cases, they require a gentle nudge from loved ones, friends, or professionals to recognize the importance of seeking help for their well-being.

My own journey stands as a testament to the transformative power of professional mental health care. While I was initially sceptical and resistant to it, the intervention of a caring psychiatrist changed my life. It is essential to understand that mental health issues are complex and multifaceted, and only experts can provide the guidance and treatment necessary to help those in distress. Seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a courageous step towards healing and reclaiming one’s life. It’s my sincere advice that when facing serious problems, individuals should reach out to mental health professionals, as they are best equipped to provide the support and advice needed to overcome the challenges of mental health issues.”

(Rohan is now successfully able to complete his higher education, studying liberal arts by correspondence while simultaneously doing some freelance work)